1. Dustin Byfuglien, Winnipeg’s living embodiment of Tony Stark’s “Hulkbuster” armor, will be given the Presidential Medal of Freedom, a Kennedy Center Honor, Order of Canada, and become an honorary Stonecutter for his role in the Evander Kane saga.
2. The “Traveling Jagrs” are poised to have more members than the NWO.
3. The cap hits of Matt Carkner and Eric Boulton will become lore alongside Alexei Yashin’s to-be-wiped buyout hit.
4. Paul Maurice will endure his own personal Salem Witch Trial for making Ondrej Pavelec a positively contributing member of society.
5. Upon the conclusion of his retirement ceremony, Evegeni Nabokov will replace Todd McLellan as head coach of the San Jose Sharks. Garth Snow nods in approval.
6. OLEGSTRADAMUS TRADE PREDICTION: Jagr to Nashville for a 2015 2nd and 2016 4th