Olegstradamus – The May Hot Takes

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What, you can’t stand the heat? Don’t take it. Or do. Your (bad) choice.

With one round of the 2015 Stanley Cup Playoffs done, the playoff picture…is reduced and nothing is clear. Take this heat on for size.

1. Now that the Southleast is over and fossilizing, Tampa Bay and Washington will collide to determine the Eastern Conference champion. Gary Bettman livid knowing he gave up too soon on such a strong division.

2. Flames captain Mark Giordano will return for a forced Game 5 against Anaheim, aided primarily by a voodoo salve made from Brian Burke’s hair excretions.

3. Not to end his humanitarian work with the regular season mask campaign, Rangers goaltender Henrik Lundqvist will adopt a shelter’s worth of puppies in an elaborate ceremony during the first intermission.

4. In a bold move, Evgeni Malkin will be traded. No, not to the Kings, but to South Korea because he loves the Olympics so much.

5. Minnesota will win the West and half of Nassau County will self-destruct. Seriously, people, they don’t mean anything to this team anymore. Grow up. But PLEASE give @IslesFacebook more content. Yes, I can ask for both.

6. BOLD PREDICTION NUMBER ONE: Montreal forces a Game 7.

7. BOLD PREDICTION NUMBER TWO: Minnesota in 6.

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