Peer through the haze of the Lucky Strikes and behold the future!
1. Montreal avoids arbitration with PK Subban, signing the defenseman to a one year, $6M deal. The Habs immediately agree to an £86M transfer of Subban to Real Madrid.
2. In a shocking twist, the Hockey Hall of Fame rescinds Peter Forsberg’s nomination. In his place, the spleen he ruptured in the second round of the 2001 Stanley Cup playoffs. The spleen will also be named that year’s top playoff scorer.
3. Garth Snow will divulge the real reason he has started to invest heavily in advanced stats…picking out the right Just For Men formula and time setting.
4. James Reimer will become the second-least popular Torontonian behind Rob Fo…oops, that already happened. Never mind.
5. Zakk Wylde will reveal he was the one who signed with Florida, not Greg Zanon.